I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
