you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Randomize