No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
