If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
