I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
