OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Randomize
