So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
why is half of my head shaved?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
