She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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