Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
