clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
