After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
