im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
