Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Let's get the cat blown out
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
