Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
