sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
