How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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