and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
