I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
