i jhust puked up my retainher.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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