I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
