I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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