I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize