I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
