This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We got so high we made milksteak
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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