I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
