Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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