I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
