he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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