I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize