it wasn't lemon gatorade
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
