Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
