my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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