I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
they need to just BURY HIM!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
