Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
In America we eat man semen.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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