Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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