I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
