listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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