Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize