Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
