one two three fourrrrnication!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
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