And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
