Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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