Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize
