My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Randomize
