PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
