My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
you had me at cake vodka
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
