did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
