Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
