i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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