marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize