i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
