yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
