people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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