True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you have to choose: penises or morals?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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