I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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