Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
