Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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