Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize