I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
