so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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