i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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