I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
