I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
