i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
