I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
