my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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