if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
