i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
