Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
