Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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