i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize