the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
