im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
