Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
