Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
