i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
