she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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