Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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